Breakups suck. They really, really do. I recently went through my first proper heartbreak and it’s something I’m not likely to forget for a very long time, if ever.
While it was very out of the blue and something I had no say in, it is something I’ve had to deal with and something I’ve tried very hard to come to grips with.
I found that while I had no actual choice in the breakup, I did have a very important choice afterwards.
I had the choice to either sit and wallow in my own self pity and watch everyone else move on with their lives, or I could try and get on with my own life. The world, as I found out rather unfortunately, doesn’t stop turning, not matter how much you want it to.
By all means be sad. I certainly was and to be honest, I still am. I’m going to be sad for a very long time and I’m starting to realise that that is okay! While I’m okay with being sad about the whole situation, I still made the decision to be happy. The decision to try and put the sadness aside for the most part and focus on the good things that are going on in my life.
It’s a decision I have to make every single day but it’s becoming more of an automatic decision with every passing day.
Over the last month and a bit, I’ve been bombarded with advice and suggestions on what I should be doing and how I should be doing those things in order to ‘get over’ the relationship. While I’m forever grateful for the people who have stood by me and helped me through the incredibly difficult period of time, I’m not quite ready to ‘get over’ anyone or anything.
I spent a lot of time nodding along when different people decided to tell me their opinions of my situation but only taking in the parts that I felt might actually help me.
I’ve tried to compile the few good bits of advice I’ve received and a few things I’ve noticed myself into a few general tips to try and help you make it through this horrible time.
- Surround Yourself with Positive People.
This is easier said then done.
Lots of people are suddenly going to change their opinion of your ex and now that they are your ex, they’re going to want to tell you all about it. Avoid these people at all costs!
There’s a lot of angry people in this world and it’s going to seem like they all come out of the woodwork in situations like this. You’ll have people who used to think the sun shone out of his ass, suddenly decide that he is the worst person in the world and want you to think the same.
I was lucky enough in that I do not now nor will I ever hate him. Life is too short to hate people and to spend any time sitting around giving out about people behind their backs.
These people are not who you need in your life at the minute, so politely tell them to f**k off and focus on the positive people!
By all means, be mad! You’re going to have those days when you’re mad and frustrated (you’re going to have lots of these) but try to remember the good things about the relationship instead of focusing on how it ended and all of the feelings after.
Surround yourself with your friends who will distract you. The friends who’ll drag you out of your house when you really don’t want to go anywhere just to take your mind off of things. They’ll distract you from your thoughts and feelings but they will be there when you just need to be sad.
These are the friends you need! The friends who will listen to you when you need to complain, will be your shoulder to cry on, will supply endless amounts of chocolate and ice-cream when you need it most, and most importantly, they are the friends who will be there to help through the entire situation and will still be there for you when it’s all over and you’re on to the next chapter of your life.
2. Keep Yourself Busy:
Start making plans. Literally everything and anything you can and want to do, do it!
Make lunch dates with your best friend. Meet up with old friends for a coffee and a long overdue catch up. Go shopping with your sister. Spend some quality time with your mom. Visit your grandparents. Go for a walk. Read a book. Sing a song. Play with your pets. Absolutely anything to keep yourself distracted and busy.
I started off being dragged into town with one of my friends for some retail therapy (which I ended up actually enjoying) and that’s turned into more shopping plans, going to the gym, movie/spa nights, and girly nights out with a few other friends!
Even if it’s just a plan to have a girly night in with your friends full of soppy movies, ice cream, and giggles, make them!
Take this as a chance to reinvent yourself. Do the thing you always wanted to do, go back to college, travel, start a blog, make new friends, start a new sport. Anything and everything you want to do, do it!
3. Shopping!
Probably my favourite thing to do when I’m feeling sad or stressed!
I love to go out and buy myself something nice. Even the smallest little things make me feel better. My bank account doesn’t always agree!
Go and buy the top you want, those pretty shoes, the newest lipstick. Buy whatever you want and whenever you want. Just please be kind to your bank account!
Nothing beats a bit of retail shopping and it really does clear your head and lets you focus on happier things, even if just for a while.
Grab your besties, channel your inner Blair Waldorf and go shop ’til you drop!
4. Have a Sad Day:
While it goes against the grain of this entire post, you definitely need to have a sad day!
Go buy the giant tub of your favourite ice cream. Buy all of your favourite junk food. Gather every blanket you can find. Put your phone, tablet, laptop, and any other forms of communication with the outside world as far away as possible.
Whether you ring a few of your friends to come around and join in, or you bury yourself in the pile of blankets in front of the television by yourself, sit back, relax, and watch the soppiest of movies, endless episodes of heartbreaking sob story filled car crash tv, and just have a good cry!
You’ll feel better afterwards, I promise!
5. Breathe.
Breathe. Deeply and slowly. As many times as it takes.
It’s going to take time. You’re probably going to be sad for a long time. You’re going to feel confused, lost, frustrated, angry, and every other emotion under the sun. Sometimes you’ll feel them all at once and it will become overwhelming and dizzying.
Just remind yourself to breathe.
It’s okay to feel like that. It’s okay to be lost and sad and upset and everything else you’re feeling.
After a month or so, the “How are you doing today?”‘s and the “Any better today?”‘s will change into the “Are you over him yet?”‘s and the “Oh! You’re still upset?”‘s and that is going to suck. Because it’s around that time that you’ll start to admit to yourself that you’re not okay.
Everyone deals with heartbreak and breakups differently and it’s perfectly okay if you’re still upset and heartbroken after a month or two, even three or four. Just because somebody else has decided that you should be over it and have moved on, doesn’t mean you have to be ready yet.
After a while, you’ll start to see how strong you’ve become as a person. How you can get through anything life throws at you and how you will most definitely get through this too. Just take everything one step at a time, one day at a time.
Just breathe babe, you’ve got this!
Yes, there are plenty more fish in the sea but at this moment in time, he is the fish you want and I’m not going to try and take that away from you.
You’re going to go through every emotion possible. You’re going to be sad and hurt and probably a little angry but then you will start to feel a little better. You’ll start to focus on other things and you’ll eventually start to feel happy again.
You’re going to have days where you sit and cry and be angry at the world for what feels no reason at all. But you’re also going to have days where you feel like you’re on top of the world and won’t think of him at all.
I promise you, it will level out and things will eventually go back to normal. I also promise you that he is going through the exact same thing. All of the sh*t you’re feeling, he’s going to feel it too. Maybe not at the same time (and that is going to hurt more than you think, trust me) but one day, just when everything is starting to look up, it’s going to hit him, just as hard as it hit you.
All of the emotions will hit him just as they hit you, and whether you want to or not (and as horrible as it sounds) you’re going to find a little bit of peace in the fact that you’re not going through this alone.
You’re never alone in this. Not even for a second.
Just remember, it’s okay to be sad and it’s even more okay to reach out to your friends and family when you need them, you’re not bothering them, they will be more than happy to give a lending hand and support you.
Just breathe babe, you’ll get there!
-Zee xox
The Fashion Lap 